{placing your worth in productivity}
Today I’m talking about something that I am totally struggling with right now, and that is finding balance in my day to day. As a soon-to-be-eighteen aspiring girlboss, I tend to linger in a life of extremes. Some days, I wake up ready to take on the world; I’m up at 5:30 to go lift and run at the gym, help my little sisters get ready and on their way to school, and complete my online school in a timely manner in order to fit in time for my other daily habits (these ones don’t sound as “that girl” on the internet). These are the days that I feel most genuinely happy, productive, and worthy.
But the thing is, the majority of my days don’t look like this.
I’m normally up at 6:45, just in time to get my sisters on the bus. Once they’re safe and on their way, I typically pull out my computer with the intention of doing school, only to be distracted by who knows what – it varies from day to day. Tik Tok generally rots my brain cells for a few hours of the day, and by the time I finish school and do a few household tasks, I have no energy left to give to anything. I spend hours in a state of exhaustion. Then I wake myself up just enough to drive to work.
This game of extremes is what I refer to as burnout. A word I once reserved only for those who I viewed as most successful, I now use to describe my own struggle. This feeling leaves no room for comparison; no matter your age, occupation, or lifestyle, burnout has a way of creeping up on anyone, and I’ve seen it and experienced it first hand.
My biggest goal for 2022 is finding balance in my life, as on the days that I put this idea into practice, I struggle the least with feelings of self doubt and low self esteem. Upon further evaluation of the hustle I’ve strived for the last year of my life, I realized that I was placing my own worth into what my day looked like. Because of this, my day-to-day moods and overall well being fluctuated in an unhealthy manner. On the days I fit exercise, academics, relationships, and time for myself into my schedule, I felt peace, and pride, and worth. On the days I didn’t find this balance, I felt depressed, purposeless, and like a failure. After this self evaluation, I decided I no longer wanted to live my life this way, and so it was important to me that I shared this goal with you guys. I want to find a balance and routine for my everyday life that leaves me feeling fulfilled, while still leaving room to grow.
Extremes are always an unhealthy way to go. An easy example of this is over-exercise and the lack thereof. So while striving for balance, I’m looking to find a middleground. Though exercise is important to me, my balance only leaves room for about an hour at the gym each day. This is a fulfilling time period while still giving me room to nurture important relationships, focus on academics and work, and still have room and time for myself. This dedicated time in my schedule gives me room to burn off unneeded or unwanted energy, put time into my own body, and get myself moving. With this I am able to avoid laziness and an unhealthy body while still leaving time for the rest of my priorities and responsibilities, creating the balance I strive for.
Relationships make up the next little piece of the pie-chart of my life. I value my relationships with my siblings and parents, my boyfriend, and the few close friendships I maintain. I focus only on relationships that add to my life; my balance leaves no room for draining, toxic relationships. So in my routine, I strive to make time for at least some sort of relationship nurturing. Whether that means a short phone call with a friend, a dinner date with my significant other, or a movie with my family, I find this part of my life to be rewarding and necessary to keep the balance.
My academic career is somewhat out of my control; considering I’m a senior in high school, I’m still not given a ton of freedom in what I study or participate in. However, I want 2022 to be more focused on learning what I see benefits me. I’m graduating this year, and that means I will have the time and resources at my fingertips to educate myself in the things that make me enjoy life and learning a little more. As far as work goes, I work part time, like many teens. Though I have a set schedule, this is a part of my life that gives me time to work around these hours, and I have my days to block off for the other aspects of life, with work in the evening. I look forward to a new year of success in these areas, with the help of a balanced lifestyle.
The last section of my desired lifestyle is for nurturing my own independence and self growth; time to better myself in areas that don’t fit into the categories I have otherwise mentioned. I want this time to be spent journaling, creating, and really zeroing in on my creative side. This is such a huge part of myself that I want to continue to explore; although I love the platforms I share my writing on now, I have so many huge ideas and new things I want to dabble in. I can’t wait to see what the new year brings creative-wise.
Though I can plan to follow a daily/weekly/monthly routine in order to achieve my 2022 goals and explore the world in new ways, there is no way to avoid burnout indefinitely. It’s bound to catch up to you some days, and normally it strikes at the most inconvenient times. Be gentle with yourself; these feelings are your body telling you that it needs rest and care. It may take some experimentation to find a routine that works for you and logically fits into your lifestyle. Be patient as you explore a new year of successes and small victories, and strive to be a better you than yesterday. I’m rooting for you. And remember, rest days are okay, you aren’t a machine. And your worth NEVER equates to your productivity.